Sombrero

I maintain that if everyone in the world came fully equipped with a sombrero, our chances for world peace would go up significantly. There is something about wearing a sombrero that prevents one from wanting to firebomb the shit out of neighboring countries. I mean, while Pancho Villa was a feisty motherfucker, can you imagine what he would have been like if he’d spent time wearing a fedora? Sombreros make you sleepy during the afternoon, the prime time for constructing biological weaponry, and they are ideal for holding nachos and cheese dip. Homicidal tendencies wane when you’ve got a bag of Tostitos in one hand and a bowl of guacamole dip in the other. Finally, the weight of the sombrero upon the neck is such that one very quickly becomes weak as a kitten. Suddenly, playing with the various tassles, pom-poms and beads dangling from your hat all day long becomes a viable and appealing option. You may also start to like mariachi music, but everything comes with its price.